dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
