I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
