is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
