First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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