So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
