They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
