It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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