i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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