I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
