It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
