i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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