I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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