OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
