I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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