I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
