I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
