I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
