I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
