shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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