if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
