I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
