can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
