Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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