I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
