somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
