Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize