; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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