Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
