pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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