those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
