youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize