The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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