It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
