but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
