When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
