what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize