Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
