The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
