i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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