your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
