But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
