So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
