This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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