Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
