Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
