let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
