i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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