i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
