Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize