i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
should my penis look like a turkey
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
