There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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