Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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