and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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