Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
