Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
false alarm, still single
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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