Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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