Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
