He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
