hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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