Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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