haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize