I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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