it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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