just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
