I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
