just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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