Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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