My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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