Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
