Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
