she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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