I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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