Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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