matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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