somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize