The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
