am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
