so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
