He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
