In the future we'll all be gay
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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