So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
