dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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