I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
