she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
