I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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