pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize