why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
