I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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