ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
