I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
