you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
