sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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