No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
