No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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