What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
