if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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