did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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