just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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