I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
